if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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