You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
