Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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