I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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