Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
