I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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