For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm always down for nudity.
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