"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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