this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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