Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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