She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
