I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
