Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
