Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
