Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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