Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You can't motorboat a personality
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
