how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
