You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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