i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
