sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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