i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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