He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
