I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
