i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?