I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction