Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.