Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.