I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.