there's paper in my vomit.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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