im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
