If i come over, it means nothing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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