I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
