I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
