The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
