I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
