I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
