whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
