Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
