Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
