My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
