just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
