So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.