it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.