Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever