actually, I'm a sock model
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
