Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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