I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
