If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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