'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
