last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Life is so much better after having sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Let's paint friendship bongs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
