I'm laying in your front yard are you home
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
