how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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