i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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