the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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