Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
