this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
