You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
