i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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