guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
