Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I forget how to act sober
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