Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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