Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
