3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.