I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
