You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I deserve this hangover.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
