why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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