YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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