I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
